Monday, March 24, 2008

realizations

i keep thinking that i have a problem with time management. i don't really. what i have a real problem with is distraction. as in "oh look! something shiny!"

it seems to begin simply enough...i go looking for something i need to complete a current project. i run across something i was looking for yesterday/last week/last year and put that aside. then i find something that would work nicely with the first set aside bit and i have a brill idea brewing. then i have to stop completely to run and fetch my sketchbook to make sure i get all the swirly bits down (apparently, so they don't leak out my ears). then while i'm in the sketchbook i happen to page past something that i r*e*a*l*l*y wanted to try yesterday/last week/last year and decide that i need to look for x/y/z to make sure i can get that down next.

"oh look! something shiny" and it's next tuesday and i can't imagine where the last two days went.

but i know where all the shiny things live...

Thursday, March 20, 2008

unavoidable absence

last saturday, i was sitting here at the ethelpooter doing some work, when felt my knee starting to swell. odd. not only swell, but got quite hot. when i tried to get up, i found that it wouldn't bend out of the sitting position. when i tried to walk, intense pain radiated up into my hip and lower back and down to my ankle.

oh oh.

i have a pinched nerve in my back that occasionally flares. so, after a few days flat out, a massage with a tiny woman who possesses pointy elbows, flu like symptoms after, i'm better now, thank you.

follow up appointment with sheryl today. hopefully, she'll leave her elbows at home.

thing is, being flat on my back for a few days certainly gave me alot of time to think and reflect. and i think i may have figured out some things...i'll try to share them as one cohesive ramble per post.

later though. i have to take a shower.

Friday, March 14, 2008

a long day

with little sleep i might add. it must be spring fever. i can't seem to turn off my brain at night and i have to say...i haven't felt this creative for a long time. it's rather nice.

my goddaughter sara was here with both of her girls today and we pitched ourselves a play day. i had a small crate of ATC jams sitting here (and has been for over a year) so we worked on them all, added our art and now i have to get them ready to send on. along with more new jams for people to art up. it was fun, but a bit stressful with the girls...especially the baby. she's at *that* stage. i tell her all the time that it's a good thing that i love her cos i don't like her very much right now. at any rate...

after they left (and i had some quiet time) i did the final edit on my digital album pages, rendered and printed them. i learned more lessons today like...don't try to print 21 pages at the same time. the rendering and sending to the printer takes twice FOREVER. but i am still pleased...so much so that i've started another digialbum. i'm starting to think that when i F*I*N*A*L*L*Y get all of my printed pictures scrapped, i may not do hands on with my digitals. this is just too fast and much nicer pages than i would take the time to do normally. i always say that i can do the really fancy nice pages that you see in scrapbooking mags...i just can't justify the time. i can if i do them digitally.

i also started working with PS today too. a bit more daunting then my scrapbooking software, but still doable.

i have about a zillion ideas for ATCs...and i'd best stop thinking about it or i won't sleep again tonight...

Thursday, March 13, 2008

still blown away

i completed 21 digital pages today. the tattoo album is done. i think one more look with fresh eyes tomorrow for the detailed details and i'm printing it. hope i have enough glossy photo paper. yup, i do...guess it pays to buy in bulk. but it will be time to restock.

now that i'm getting my brave on, i figured out another mystery today...how to do movies with my digital camera. and by damn, i did. sara's babies were here tonight and isabel and i were on the couch playing. she was soooooo tired and just giggling helplessly and it was too cute. i'm surprised at the quality of the movie. honestly, i've seen movies done with actual digital camcorders that didn't look as good.

so i guess my newest passion will be to make films to embarrass the girls. gawd, it's good to be the godmother.

pleasant surprise

wow. i'm still blown away. i spent a few hours today building a digital scrapbook. i am quite surprised that it was as much fun as it was and i liked it. I LIKED IT. i've had this memory mixer software for months...maybe close to a year (that's what i get for watching QVC late at night with credit card close at hand).

i piddled with it a bit initially, decided that it probably wasn't for me as i like texture too much. i like the feel of good cardstock under my fingers. the smooth texture of the photos, the way it feels as i build the layers.

but i guess my real enjoyment is the act of creation. AND i completed 12 pages in the time it would have taken me to do less than half that much. i still have to print, but i'll do that when i'm done. i have prolly 10 pages left and some more journaling. and then AND THEN i sent it off to Somerset Memories. not entirely sure how i am going to bind it yet, but i think i'll just wait till the pages are done. nothing is so close to the edge that i can't use either the rollabind or the coil machine or perhaps...profession binding.

we shall see.

ahhh

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

on feeling productive

not sure that i got a lot done today, but i sure feel productive. working still at 'puter files, trying to delete and organize. also did some digital scrapbooking. woot! kinda fun once i got passed being frustrated at not knowing the software. luckily, the company that produces the software has tutorials online, so i used those to find my way around.

i'm working at a couple of submissions for Somerset Memories. they have ongoing calls for both digital work and a category called "tattoos and all", scrapbooking that's more than just happy babies and squirming puppies. (not that there is anything wrong with babies and puppies. i have scrapbbooked my share of both). but this is the real gut stuff...working through sometimes unpleasant issues et al. so i'm working on a digital scrapbook of my tattoos.

i'm doing the pages in the order that i got the ink, trying along the way to reconstruct the time frame. i'm also explaining the significance of the symbols i chose, something i may not get into with people.

i must admit, i didn't think i would find working digitally to be fun...after all there is no cardstock or paper running through my fingers.

when the scrapbook is done and the pages printed and embellished, i think i shall scan them into a .pdf so i can share.

stay tuned.

Monday, March 10, 2008

on time and time management

time is not my friend. it seems either that i have too much time or not enough. right now, it's not enough.

i have *so* many ideas. i can and do fill sketchbooks with them but never get back to anything cos i'm on to more. i wish i could just sell my ideas. but i love creating just as much if not more then simply coming up with the idea.

i still struggle with the whole time management issue too. how does one successfully combine being an artist with being a businessperson? cos you can't be successful at either without marrying them both. the only real marketing i can do right now seems to be the guerilla kind. posting on groups, posting on more groups, generating ebay listings. and that all takes time.

i need to get to the point that i can hire someone, even part time to do this stuff for me. but i can't help but think that in this venture, i need to do it all and i need to figure out how to do it all. preferably so i can hire someone to do it for me. a circle in a circle in a circle...

Sunday, March 9, 2008

on forgetfulness

yup. sat down and totally forgot what i was going to write about. d'oh. i think i'm finally passed the complete and total frustration with my forgetfulness. i used to really stress about it, but i find that if i take a deep breath and look away, i can usually remember.

i lost the word 'adjustment' today. knew what i wanted to say, knew there was a word for it. ah well, at least it wasn't a word like table or some such.

knitted a bit, screwed around on my puter trying to re-organize photos, graphics, photo shoots et al, so i can burn stuff to disk and start all over again. i did find that i have saved several copies of alot of stuff, however, that means that i have to look through stuff one at a time and rely upon my swiss cheese brain to remember what i've seen. i was able to toss a bunch of .jpgs and photos, so the clean up is a good thing.

oh and i made a pot o killer chili and banana nut muffins today too. sometimes, living an artful life includes domestic duties...i'll have to think on that for awhile. i had been able to avoid that stuff...

Saturday, March 8, 2008

tangerine dream

i dreamt...

that i and some friends were approaching the graduation ceremony from our spiritual school. we were all happy and excited, that we had made friends from the beginning and we all made it to the end.

the monks took us to a huge building...HUGE...easily covering several square blocks in the warehouse part of town. the building was old brick, but it looked like it had been well kept.

the monks took us in and immediately we were faced with a massive old elevator that took us to the top floor several stories up. the ride seemed oddly smooth and fast and when we arrived, the monks explained that this was our test...to simply get back to the ground floor. when we looked around us, we saw long hallways filled with strong wooden doors.

the catch was that the elevator not only went up and down but from front to back and side to side, never coming back to the same door twice. the test no longer seemed so simple to me.

the monks blessed us and left and we decided as a group that it was all for one and one for all...we all passed or we all failed. so we each struck out in a different direction and began to open doors. door after door opened to darkness. door after door opened to nothing.

i opened a door, expecting again darkness, when to my surprise, it was the elevator and on board was an old wizened man who motioned for me to follow him. when i called for my friends, the old man shook his head sadly and the elevator left just as my friends were arriving.

tough luck for us all and we all went our separate ways again. this cycle repeated 3 times until finally my friends jeered and said that i was just trying to get attention. i felt so sad...i knew the way...i just couldn't make them see.

the next time i found the elevator and the old man, i did nothing except step into the elevator. the old man never said a word, just lead me from door to door and down and down until i reached the bottom floor. whem i turned to thank him...he was gone.

the monks rejoiced and blessed me again and we all walked away to celebrate.

Friday, March 7, 2008

on finishing projects

is it that i fall so madly in love with what i make that i can't bear to finish? is it that i just like the body of the work and don't like the details? no...that can't be it...i'm fanatical about details. i'm trying to finish the bag i started with the frogged recycled silk bag and i swear i've frogged the handles all the way through grindhouse and if you've seen it, you know that it's 191 minutes....that a tad over 3 hours!

bah. and bah again. and instead of finishing i'm sitting here.

it's been a bad day. feeling pretty low. i've been tired since i dragged butt outta bed.

i'm everso glad that i get to have another chance at a better day tomorrow.

Thursday, March 6, 2008

it's a wabi sabi life

before yesterday, i had a vague notion of what "wabi sabi" meant. mostly, i think, in reference to how to decorate my home. yesterday, i did a pretty thorough search on the term for a swap that i want to join.

i figured i'd better have a better idea...turns out, i live a wabi sabi life.


All things are impermanent
All things are imperfect
All things are incomplete


i must have had some inkling because i had a skeleton tattooed on my arm. in his hand, is flame and the kanji for "heavenly fire". i've had so many people ask about that tattoo in particular...lots of people seem to think it's "gross", but it so completely and simply bears the message that "this too shall pass".

being impermanent, imperfect and incomplete is such a wonderful invitation to change.

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

paper, cardstock and ink

today, i decided to frog the stuff i don't like and i spent the day making ATCs. i did the majority of the work on 50 and had designs for about 35 - 40 more. all i have left to do is to embellish and scan them. some are for group swaps and some are for straight trades.

i feel rather accomplished. and guilty. i'm going to have to double time tomorrow to get more ebay listings done and listed. oy. and i have 2 drawers full of fibers to scan and list too. and business cards to make.

but it was SUCH fun to get inky fingers again.

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

on living the dream

ok so today, i was affirming to my friend Katie that i am Sandi the heroine becoming artist. yipes. now i have to follow through. i always seem to place roadblocks squarely in my own path. i'm probably one of the worst self-sabotagers i've ever encountered.

i can't work at art today cos i have to get ebay listings ready. i can't work at art today cos i have a wedding dress to finish. i can't work at art today cos i have to watch Sara's littlers. i can't work at art today cos i have to make bidness cards, work on my bidness plan, advertise, scan, plan, press, make a shopping list for fire mountain gems.

bah. living the dream ain't so dreamy sometime. it's freakin work and i don't like it! ah well.

i'm not always so good at time planning. i tend to throw myself at tasks and spend hours in a row till the task is done. i have kind of forgotten that i'm doing this work, so i *can* be a self-supporting artist. but...i can't support myself unless i have the good to sell!

today's big idea was to start a blog or yahoo group to sell/trade my craft/fiction/spiritual/self help books. so i got all caught up in deciding the best way to do that while tending both a 5 year old and an 18 month old. nothing much got done other than a mess in my living room. a lovely mess. a tea party mess. a making castles with pillows mess. a let's get into sandi's beading basket mess...yup, i knew the littler was getting into trouble. she was just too quiet.

ah well. that's why they make good vacuums. and nylons.

Monday, March 3, 2008

OTN (on the needles)

PS....i did frog the recycled silk knitting. i decided that it would make a lovely crocheted bowl so i started that. got quite a way into it and decided that the texture would be near perfect for some sort of knitty bag.

unfortunately, it was a great size for a bowl. not so much for a knitty bag. ripped it up again.

RIP crochet bowl...we hardly knew ye.

on living mythology

i've had alot of life suckage lately. i won't bore you (or me) with the details, just suffice it to say that i've spent alot of time staring at blank walls. dealing with pain issues, weight issues (relating to pain issues and i just have a big butt).

i was on scads of pain meds which probably lent itself to the wall-staring. however, the wall-staring seemed to be productive. i realized that i've been living my own mythology.

don't know what i'm talking about? stop a minute and ask yourself if there are areas of your life that you are doing the same thing. i started asking myself what i say "i can't" to. i can't drive cos my knee locks. i can't walk far cos it hurts too much. i can't lose weight cos i'm too old and it's too much effort. i can't participate in (birthday parties, crops, shopping trips, vacations, travel) because i can't walk far and it hurts too much.

it seems that just the realization was enough. i've lost close to 65 pounds since late october 2007 and i'm off ALL pain meds except one. (i will admit to keeping a bottle of everything i was on, because i do have flares. i'm loaded for bear in that case).

losing weight has been easy peasy. learning how to wasn't so. i had to learn what physical hunger was as opposed to emotional hunger...eating out of anxiety, fear, anger, elation, pain. kind of how i quit smoking 13 years ago. i only eat when my body needs it, not when my mind thinks it can fill a need.

i have coffee and a nutrigrain bar for brekkie, a meal mid to late afternoon and a protein smoothie whenever i feel the need in the evening. my doc's only concern was that i didn't have enough energy. but i do. due to the smoothies...i'm probably getting more easily digestible (soy) protein than ever.

if you want to change your life, change your mind.

i'm in the midst of writing a new myth to fill the holes where the old ones were...the story of Sandi the heroine, who is a self-supporting artist.

Sunday, March 2, 2008

on my needles

the picture above is a shawl that i'm knitting for myself...red heart symphony and size 11 needles. 100 stitches cast on and knit in a simple garter stitch pattern. i lovelovelove orange so this is perfect for me. oh. i mean the kitties.


the next project is a washcloth. 100% cotton and PINK. it nearly makes me eyes bleed, but who can't use a nice soft washcloth in whatever colour? i love this pattern for times when i need some "idiot knitting".


i am loving this yarn, but it's 100% cotton knit on size #3 & #5 needles. it's for my kidfriend Aubrey. it's really her gift for Christmas just past, but she was living in Georgia and her future was uncertain (as far as where she was attending grad school and working next) so i waited till she made some decisions. she's decided to take a position in Florida and so a very lightweight cotton was called for.

i'm almost embarrassed to admit, that this was a kit that i bought some time in the *80's* (yup. that means i carried at across state lines when i moved back to iowa). i love this slubby, thick and thin texture. the picture just doesn't do it justice.

the thing that tickles me the most, was that i picked up this kit at kmart (hence i know it was the 80's) and cost me all of $1.25.


this project is a pain in the butt! i love the colour and the hand of this recycled silk yarn HOWEVER, it's not a marriage made in heaven. there's no give, it moves the way it wants to move and it twists more than a tornado. i think it's coming off the needles and turning into a crochet project. a soft bowl maybe. i think i'll be happier.

Saturday, March 1, 2008

some definitions

myth – a traditional or legendary story, usually concerning some being or hero or event, with or without a determinable basis of fact or a natural explanation, esp. one that is concerned with deities or demigods and explains some practice, rite, or phenomenon of nature.

legend - a nonhistorical or unverifiable story handed down by tradition from earlier times and popularly accepted as historical.

fable - (now this rather surprises me)
1. a short tale to teach a moral lesson, often with animals or inanimate objects as characters; apologue: the fable of the tortoise and the hare; Aesop's fables.
2. a story not founded on fact: This biography is largely a self-laudatory fable.
3. a story about supernatural or extraordinary persons or incidents; legend: the fables of gods and heroes.
4. legends or myths collectively: the heroes of Greek fable.
5. an untruth; falsehood: This boast of a cure is a medical fable.
6. the plot of an epic, a dramatic poem, or a play.
7. idle talk: old wives' fables

what's surprising is that both "myth" and "legend" and included in the definition of "fable".

belief -
1. something believed; an opinion or conviction: a belief that the earth is flat.
2. confidence in the truth or existence of something not immediately susceptible to rigorous proof: a statement unworthy of belief.
3. confidence; faith; trust: a child's belief in his parents.
4. a religious tenet or tenets; religious creed or faith: the Christian belief.

values - in Sociology. the ideals, customs, institutions, etc., of a society toward which the people of the group have an affective regard. These values may be positive, as cleanliness, freedom, or education, or negative, as cruelty, crime, or blasphemy.
11.Ethics. any object or quality desirable as a means or as an end in itself.

it's amazing how we know a word and use it, yet not necessarily know the definition. i've included this here, at least as much for me as for the reader. when i use this words, *this* is what i mean.

my intention...

...is to use this blog as a means of charting my course in becoming a self-supporting artist.

there. i've said it. going to publish it too. right here.

gosh, that's scary. i kind of have to remember how to breathe here. ok, i can go on now.

while i am going to try to limit each post to one subject, as for instance, knitting, sewing, paper arts, scrapbooking, getting published, (deep breath), spirit journeys, what i'm reading, watching, dreaming about. i don't know how easy it will be to seperate one from another. it's all the same trip.

here i intend to document what i am doing, physically, emotionally, spiritually; hoping, that in the sharing, i will find kinship on the path. or inspiration or to be an inspiration.

here i will share my home, my workspace, my triumphs, my defeats.

in short, my life.

thank you, in advance, for being here too.